So the latest bank holiday is done and dusted, over, finito, finished. One minute you were sat on a grubby pub garden bench toasting the weekend with your 9th organic cider. Then with the next blink of your already half-closed eyes your mobile phone was blasting an un-caring, inert digital chorus from somewhere inside your jacket WAY over the other side of your bedroom. It’s the beginning of another working week!
But what is there to upset your delicate balance, apart from soldiering through your hangover? Your colleagues, that’s what. Here are five major headaches in the shape of those dangerous beings that you have to sit near on an almost daily basis (and probably one of the reasons for your dehydrated state) and who you definitely MUST avoid at work after a heavy bank holiday weekend:
1) The Egotist: Egotists like to compensate for their deep insecurities and desperate need for adoration by projecting an inflated sense of self worth and expertise to everyone around them. They are legends in their own minds which makes them very difficult to work with and for. Tell-tale signs of an egotist: spending hours arranging an intricate sculpture crafted solely from paper clips to demonstrate their lofty status.
2) The Gossip: Let’s face it, we’re all gossips, but these characters take it to the next level. Real gossips will never rest and their activities will increase nearer to Christmas....or just after a bank holiday. The one upside is that life will never be dull while they’re around. Tell-tale signs of a gossip: very long toilet breaks, with detours that encompass the four corners of the office. They’re also likely to become occasional smokers when they get a whiff of a scandal.
3) The Fog Horn: One of the true ‘joys’ of the open plan office, the Fog Horn invariably works in sales, and even feels the need to broadcast a conversation with his mum at excessive decibels. They will also have an ingratiating laugh specially developed for use with clients. Tell-tale signs of the Fog Horn: All bodily noises will be exaggerated too - even the ones that have no place in polite society.
4) The Idle Git: Ah, the delegators of the working environment. Beggars probably put in more effort than the average idle git. At least they will carefully lay out their cardboard, cover themselves with a blanket and say “any loose change please”. They probably do longer hours too. Tell-tale signs of the Idle Git: They’ll schedule ‘meetings’ for the morning after a night out, but the only thing they’ll be meeting is the pillow.
5) The Jargon Junkie: Whether in IT, HR, Finance or Marketing. The Jargon Junkies, I’m afraid, are here to stay. All claim not to understand another group’s jargon but will be unable to hold back the torrent of acronyms spewing from their mouths when asked a simple question; even if it’s “Would you like a cuppa?”. Tell-tale signs of the jargon Junkie: They claim to have an MBA from a college you’ve never heard of, and have an unnatural fascination with Powerpoint.
Posted In: Virals 26.05.09 at 12:04
Leave a Comment
You must be signed in to comment.
Please login, or if you are not registered - sign up!
