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So the latest bank holiday is done and dusted, over, finito, finished. One minute you were sat on a grubby pub garden bench toasting the weekend with your 9th organic cider. Then with the next blink of your already half-closed eyes your mobile phone was blasting an un-caring, inert digital chorus from somewhere inside your jacket WAY over the other side of your bedroom. It’s the beginning of another working week!
But what is there to upset your delicate balance, apart from soldiering through your hangover? Your colleagues, that’s what. Here are five major headaches in the shape of those dangerous beings that you have to sit near on an almost daily basis (and probably one of the reasons for your dehydrated state) and who you definitely MUST avoid at work after a heavy bank holiday weekend:
1) The Egotist: Egotists like to compensate for their deep insecurities and desperate need for adoration by projecting an inflated sense of self worth and expertise to everyone around them. They are legends in their own minds which makes them very difficult to work with and for. Tell-tale signs of an egotist: spending hours arranging an intricate sculpture crafted solely from paper clips to demonstrate their lofty status.
2) The Gossip: Let’s face it, we’re all gossips, but these characters take it to the next level. Real gossips will never rest and their activities will increase nearer to Christmas....or just after a bank holiday. The one upside is that life will never be dull while they’re around. Tell-tale signs of a gossip: very long toilet breaks, with detours that encompass the four corners of the office. They’re also likely to become occasional smokers when they get a whiff of a scandal.
3) The Fog Horn: One of the true ‘joys’ of the open plan office, the Fog Horn invariably works in sales, and even feels the need to broadcast a conversation with his mum at excessive decibels. They will also have an ingratiating laugh specially developed for use with clients. Tell-tale signs of the Fog Horn: All bodily noises will be exaggerated too - even the ones that have no place in polite society.
4) The Idle Git: Ah, the delegators of the working environment. Beggars probably put in more effort than the average idle git. At least they will carefully lay out their cardboard, cover themselves with a blanket and say “any loose change please”. They probably do longer hours too. Tell-tale signs of the Idle Git: They’ll schedule ‘meetings’ for the morning after a night out, but the only thing they’ll be meeting is the pillow.
5) The Jargon Junkie: Whether in IT, HR, Finance or Marketing. The Jargon Junkies, I’m afraid, are here to stay. All claim not to understand another group’s jargon but will be unable to hold back the torrent of acronyms spewing from their mouths when asked a simple question; even if it’s “Would you like a cuppa?”. Tell-tale signs of the jargon Junkie: They claim to have an MBA from a college you’ve never heard of, and have an unnatural fascination with Powerpoint.
So the latest bank holiday is done and dusted, over, finito, finished. One minute you were sat on a grubby pub garden bench toasting the weekend with your 9th organic cider. Then with the next blink of your already half-closed eyes your mobile phone was blasting an un-caring, inert digital chorus from somewhere inside your jacket WAY over the other side of your bedroom. It’s the beginning of another working week!
But what is there to upset your delicate balance, apart from soldiering through your hangover? Your colleagues, that’s what. Here are five major headaches in the shape of those dangerous beings that you have to sit near on an almost daily basis (and probably one of the reasons for your dehydrated state) and who you definitely MUST avoid at work after a heavy bank holiday weekend:
1) The Egotist: Egotists like to compensate for their deep insecurities and desperate need for adoration by projecting an inflated sense of self worth and expertise to everyone around them. They are legends in their own minds which makes them very difficult to work with and for. Tell-tale signs of an egotist: spending hours arranging an intricate sculpture crafted solely from paper clips to demonstrate their lofty status.
2) The Gossip: Let’s face it, we’re all gossips, but these characters take it to the next level. Real gossips will never rest and their activities will increase nearer to Christmas....or just after a bank holiday. The one upside is that life will never be dull while they’re around. Tell-tale signs of a gossip: very long toilet breaks, with detours that encompass the four corners of the office. They’re also likely to become occasional smokers when they get a whiff of a scandal.
3) The Fog Horn: One of the true ‘joys’ of the open plan office, the Fog Horn invariably works in sales, and even feels the need to broadcast a conversation with his mum at excessive decibels. They will also have an ingratiating laugh specially developed for use with clients. Tell-tale signs of the Fog Horn: All bodily noises will be exaggerated too - even the ones that have no place in polite society.
4) The Idle Git: Ah, the delegators of the working environment. Beggars probably put in more effort than the average idle git. At least they will carefully lay out their cardboard, cover themselves with a blanket and say “any loose change please”. They probably do longer hours too. Tell-tale signs of the Idle Git: They’ll schedule ‘meetings’ for the morning after a night out, but the only thing they’ll be meeting is the pillow.
5) The Jargon Junkie: Whether in IT, HR, Finance or Marketing. The Jargon Junkies, I’m afraid, are here to stay. All claim not to understand another group’s jargon but will be unable to hold back the torrent of acronyms spewing from their mouths when asked a simple question; even if it’s “Would you like a cuppa?”. Tell-tale signs of the jargon Junkie: They claim to have an MBA from a college you’ve never heard of, and have an unnatural fascination with Powerpoint.
Posted In: Virals 26.05.09 at 12:04
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Roadside Attractions
There’s nothing quite as dull as staring at mile after mile of concrete, punctuated only by roadkill and services that bring a new definition to the word ‘squalid’. But thanks to the powers that be, there are, for a fortunate few, some chinks of light on the charcoal-coloured horizon this Bank Holiday weekend. ‘Public art’ might provide a gathering point for hoodies in the shopping centre near you, but it’s by the roadside where this artistic expression really comes into its own. Here, for your driving pleasure, we present our top 10 roadside highlights...
1. The Wicker Man
Location: M5, near Bridgwater, Somerset
Standing at around 40ft tall, he’s really called ‘Willow Man’ and was built by artist Serena de la Hay. Willow Man was destroyed by arsonists in 2001, but was quickly rebuilt.
2. Encounter
Location: Junction 11 of M62, near Warrington, Cheshire
3. Somerset Camels: Humphrey and Bernard (or Boo)
Location: M5, near Bridgwater, Somerset
Humphrey has been there for more than 20 years, since he took part in a local carnival. His friend Bernard joined him in recent years.
4. Big Heids
Location: Mossend on the M8, North Lanarkshire.
Artist David Mach based the heads on the faces of three people he came across on streets locally.
5. Horn of Polkemmet
Location: Polkemmet Country Park on the M8, between Whitburn and Harthill, West Lothian.
This 80ft high horn can’t be missed visually. Up close you’ll also hear that it transmits recorded music, poetry and prose.
6. Concrete Cows on the Dairy Crest building
Location: At the start of the M3, Sunbury, Surrey.
Milton Keynes might have the most famous concrete cows, but these ones enjoy an elevated status by virtue of the fact they’re on a roof, and they distract attention from the water works across the road.
7. Dream
Location: M62 in Merseyside.
The newest monument on the list, Dream has only just been completed. The 60ft sculpture of a head was erected on a former slag heap and was built to honour former miners.
8. Dorking Cockerel
Location: A24 in Dorking, Surrey.
The council apparently chose a cockerel to represent the town as a special breed of cockerel is one of Dorking’s most famous exports. Hmm...
9. Millennium Landmark Structure.
Location: M50 interchange, Tallaght, Dublin.
Telecommunications mast becomes art installation with a spectacular light show.
10. Angel of the North, obviously...
Location: A1, Gateshead.
Anthony Gormley’s most iconic work. Even one of the model prototypes became the first million-pound valuation on the Antiques Roadshow.
There’s nothing quite as dull as staring at mile after mile of concrete, punctuated only by roadkill and services that bring a new definition to the word ‘squalid’. But thanks to the powers that be, there are, for a fortunate few, some chinks of light on the charcoal-coloured horizon this Bank Holiday weekend. ‘Public art’ might provide a gathering point for hoodies in the shopping centre near you, but it’s by the roadside where this artistic expression really comes into its own. Here, for your driving pleasure, we present our top 10 roadside highlights...
1. The Wicker Man
Location: M5, near Bridgwater, Somerset
Standing at around 40ft tall, he’s really called ‘Willow Man’ and was built by artist Serena de la Hay. Willow Man was destroyed by arsonists in 2001, but was quickly rebuilt.
2. Encounter
Location: Junction 11 of M62, near Warrington, Cheshire
3. Somerset Camels: Humphrey and Bernard (or Boo)
Location: M5, near Bridgwater, Somerset
Humphrey has been there for more than 20 years, since he took part in a local carnival. His friend Bernard joined him in recent years.
4. Big Heids
Location: Mossend on the M8, North Lanarkshire.
Artist David Mach based the heads on the faces of three people he came across on streets locally.
5. Horn of Polkemmet
Location: Polkemmet Country Park on the M8, between Whitburn and Harthill, West Lothian.
This 80ft high horn can’t be missed visually. Up close you’ll also hear that it transmits recorded music, poetry and prose.
6. Concrete Cows on the Dairy Crest building
Location: At the start of the M3, Sunbury, Surrey.
Milton Keynes might have the most famous concrete cows, but these ones enjoy an elevated status by virtue of the fact they’re on a roof, and they distract attention from the water works across the road.
7. Dream
Location: M62 in Merseyside.
The newest monument on the list, Dream has only just been completed. The 60ft sculpture of a head was erected on a former slag heap and was built to honour former miners.
8. Dorking Cockerel
Location: A24 in Dorking, Surrey.
The council apparently chose a cockerel to represent the town as a special breed of cockerel is one of Dorking’s most famous exports. Hmm...
9. Millennium Landmark Structure.
Location: M50 interchange, Tallaght, Dublin.
Telecommunications mast becomes art installation with a spectacular light show.
10. Angel of the North, obviously...
Location: A1, Gateshead.
Anthony Gormley’s most iconic work. Even one of the model prototypes became the first million-pound valuation on the Antiques Roadshow.
Posted In: Virals 22.05.09 at 16:27
Places you really wouldn't want to live...
Have you ever visited anywhere and breathed a hefty sigh of relief once you'd left? No, I'm not talking about a bathroom mis-adventure. I mean towns, villages, places on the map you never knew were there and you wished it had remained that way.
Well, here are the Top 20 places that are great for a photo opportunity, but with limited appeal as places to actually live ...
1. Bleak Street, Somerset
2. Dirt Pot, Northumberland
3. Hell Corner, Berkshire
4. Crazies Hill, Berkshire
5. Nasty, Hertfordshire
6. Crackpot, North Yorkshire
7. Dull, Perthshire
8. Crank, St Helens
9. Hole, Devon
10. Maggots End, Essex
11. Pett Bottom, Kent
12. Crook, Cumbria
13. Ogle, Northumberland
14. Donkey Town, Surrey
15. Clink, Somerset
16. Pitt, Hampshire
17. Splatt, Cornwall
18. Swine, Yorkshire
19. Twatt, Shetlands
20. Ugley, Essex
Have you ever visited anywhere and breathed a hefty sigh of relief once you'd left? No, I'm not talking about a bathroom mis-adventure. I mean towns, villages, places on the map you never knew were there and you wished it had remained that way.
Well, here are the Top 20 places that are great for a photo opportunity, but with limited appeal as places to actually live ...
1. Bleak Street, Somerset
2. Dirt Pot, Northumberland
3. Hell Corner, Berkshire
4. Crazies Hill, Berkshire
5. Nasty, Hertfordshire
6. Crackpot, North Yorkshire
7. Dull, Perthshire
8. Crank, St Helens
9. Hole, Devon
10. Maggots End, Essex
11. Pett Bottom, Kent
12. Crook, Cumbria
13. Ogle, Northumberland
14. Donkey Town, Surrey
15. Clink, Somerset
16. Pitt, Hampshire
17. Splatt, Cornwall
18. Swine, Yorkshire
19. Twatt, Shetlands
20. Ugley, Essex
Posted In: Virals 10.05.09 at 16:32
